Equilibrium

I believe I'm approaching an equilibrium in my current work... which is not good.  

For a while, there had been an imbalance in the way I mix my colors.  I'd be applying pure colors on the canvass or paper and mixing in other hues along the way before laying down another color on top of everything.  That served me well before, as resulting works turned out bright and quite interesting to look at.  Some turned out too red, or too orange and that helped in adding a sort of “drama” into the painting.

  

This morning, I noticed that I have been applying a graying mix of burnt umber and red, and large areas of my current painting was looking ever so muddy.  Though given I'm still applying the middle layers of the painting and I haven't painted the highlights in just yet, I can tell that this piece will look gray in the end.

I have to consciously break this equilibrium.  I have to force myself to drop in the yellows and reds even at this early on, just so as to get into a sort of mood or rhythm (call it what you may) which will dictate how I feel about the work and therefore affect how I go about the work later on.  Ok, that sounds a bit convoluted, but that's how I perceive it.

The thing is, I'm torn between two tendencies as I work on this piece.  One side is analyzing constantly the edges, and taking note of where gradients should be placed, and what color should be applied as an underpainting for the highlights.  The thinking can get quite tedious at times.  The other side just wants to apply whole blobs of paint with nary a care in the world.  It wants me to squeeze out my reds, blues and yellows out their tubes and with a small well filled with linseed oil, just go about mixing the colors in the canvas itself.

I'm aware I can't and shouldn't do the latter.  That can only be executed successfully after years of experience with oils.  Every step I'm taking now is calculated, else, I might end up wasting this canvas – and of course, the paints!  Oil paint is expensive.  One small tube cost Php 170 already – and that price is for the regular colors like burnt umber, ultramarine and such.  But even as I said that, I still try to “let loose” because doing so pleases me in a way.

If I stay over at the analytical side, I'd be bored.  If I go over the other side, I'll mess everything up.  If I stay in the middle, I'll end up with a "gray" piece of work.  What a trilema!

I've learnt a lot from this canvas.  I hope I don't ruin it.